I Miss You… So Why Are You Here Again? [Aug 7, 2010]

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July 12 2010

I miss you

It’s pathetic

I hate you

It’s true

You make me feel like an idiot
Like a fool
Hopeless

You feed me nothing
I don’t know what I’m surviving on
I don’t know how any of this makes me want you

You let me go
You lose me
You burn me
You leave me time and time again

But no one feels like you
I can’t kiss anyone else without thinking of you
I feel disgusted with myself
But … then I open my eyes, and I realise you’re not coming back

This is all I’ll know from here on in

We were a trainwreck
The quiet before the storm..
We never let it happen

We kept it all inside

That night, I wish you had finished your sentence

I wish you had told me that you knew how I felt

That you acknowledged what I’m going through in my head…

August 7 2010
Why are you here again?

I don’t want to write about you…
But I feel like you’ve given me no choice.

When I lost it all the other night, I’ll be honest… you played a big part

That morning, a piece of your red carpet was on my jacket…
It was like a little reminder that you were still alive
Somewhere – out there
It was a reminder that you are stuck in my heart
Whether I like it or not…

I didn’t call you – though I know you’d make it all go away
You’d make me make sense…

And now you’re back – I’m so confused
Just when I needed you… but was determined I could handle myself without you
You’re back
and i have no say in the matter

When you found her, when you told me it was over
that you wanted to make it work with her
I was so free… I was starting a new life
Without a trace of you in it

I was big enough to handle myself now
I wasn’t going to settle for second best
I thought if I ever saw you again, you wouldn’t recognise me
You would see that I’d grown
Found myself

I feel like right now is the time for me to end this before you lead me on again
Before you tell me how wonderful I am… that I’m everything anyone should want
– yet somehow, you’ll never keep me to yourself?

I should leave before your sweet nothingness gets in my head

I should tell you I’m not here to be walked over

I should use you for all your worth… leave you dry… tear you up
And stroll away in six inch red satin heels…

So why is it, what I should do…is not what I will do…
I already know the wine will get to me
Your eyes will take over me
I’ll forget that you’re no good for me…

And I’ll wind up waking up next to you again

I should really get over you … but I’m not ready just yet


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