Please Stand Up


No, I’m  not looking for the Real Slim Shady… I’m looking for a man

I don’t mean a “new age metrosexual, uses more hair products than me, feels the need to take tonnes of selfies a day to post to instagram with hashtags #cute #boy #abs #wheresmybarbie, changes his career three or four times in the span of a year because he doesn’t have any idea what he wants to do… BOY”  I mean a good valued, hard working man. At the very least, someone who I can actually hold an intelligent conversation with and who knows the difference between ‘they’re, their and there’.

I’m not depressed being single, nor am I on a great search for this illustrious creature, I am just wondering, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego.. ughh.. I mean.. a man with these seemingly simple qualities (although if you find Carmen Sandiego, tell her I said hi).

One of the joys of living in a small arse town is that if you decide to venture out into the wild aka shopping centre or night clubs, you are immediately posed with facing one of two thoughts when you view the female wildlife.

1) You can either feel extremely ugly because you clearly don’t fit into the clique of girls with fake blonde hair, fake DD tits, fake tan, fake eyelashes, tonne of makeup, short skanky Supre clothes, working in a night club or retail clothing chain with no real direction in life apart from the newest hook up or fuck buddy

2) You can be satisfied knowing that you have more to offer  and therefore don’t feel so insecure you have to create a complete mask over your entire appearance on a daily basis

The issue is, I’m always battling between these two trains of thought because the majority of the male population of Mackay are basically Zyzz wannabe’s who have the intelligence of Jessica Simpson.   They value ‘aesthetics’ and girls who put time and effort into their appearance so much so that you’d not recognise her without all the ‘fakes’.   They don’t value conversation or intelligence or dedication to a career.  They value looks, and looks alone… oh and BJ’s.

These two have been dubbed the King and Queen of Stereosonic... they'd do well in Mackay too!

These two have been dubbed the King and Queen of Stereosonic… they’d do well in Mackay too!

Before you jump on the bandwagon of telling me I’m simply bashing people based on their looks or those who spend time in the gym working out, I’m not.. I have no issue with people who are proud of how they look and work hard to get that physique.  Nor do I have an issue with girls who have fake boobs, fake tans, fake eyelashes, hair extensions rah rah rah… some of my best friends are true girly girls and have ALL of these combined and are still very strong, talented women behind all of this. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good and being proud of it.  If it makes you happy then I’m all for it.

All I’m saying is, it is better when you have more to offer than just good looks – all the amount of botox and face lifts cannot change the fact that you will get old and your good looks will fade.  By that time, it might be a bit hard to move into a career that requires years of dedication and experience rather than just ‘tits and ass’.  It also might be hard to find a partner when you’re at an age where personality and moral values are more desirable than abs and pecks.

Don't be a Joan...

Don’t be a Joan…

YOLO seems to equate to fuck around, do as many drugs as possible and fuck authority or anyone who tries to tell you your choices are wrong.  Really, only living once should mean making the most of life, having hobbies that you love and enjoy, making and keeping quality relationships and having something at the end of the day that you are proud of.  Totally understandable while you’re young, far out the amount of stupid things I did and continue to do couldn’t be counted on two or three or even four hands of fingers.  But in my opinion, if you’re in your mid-late twenties, it might be time to consider what else you can offer the world and if you’ll still be proud of your choices in ten years time.

It seems there are few people in Mackay who understand this or can actually comprehend that they are getting older and maybe owe it to themselves to have something to be proud of once the partying days are over.

So with this in mind, my chances of meeting someone who I can hold a conversation with, who stimulates my mind not just my body, are very, very slim.  At least Zyzz was the Dux of his school and almost finished his Bachelor of Business and Commerce degree… The Zyzz boys in Mackay don’t have a job, or if they do, change every couple of weeks and have hardly any assets to their name apart from their ‘suped up commodores’.  Their idea of adventure is getting smashed every weekend, doing some pingers and seeing whose bed they wake up in.

Aziz "Zyzz" Shavershian

Aziz “Zyzz” Shavershian

I get the age old debate, that if you expect someone who is perfect then you better be the perfect person, and I’ll admit I’m not.  I’m far from it, hell I have been living with my parents since January because my long term partner and I split up, my idea of cooking is making two minute noodles and I’m as unsure as anyone as to where I want to end up in life.  I am well aware and know that I have a long way to go in self improvement before I’m ready to settle down and meet that man/woman whom I will marry.

While I totally appreciate a guy who works out and looks after himself, (oh trust me… I appreciate it.. a lot)  it would just be refreshing to meet a man that I could actually hold a decent conversation or debate with,  who valued himself more than for just his looks, who worked hard in his chosen career path, and who wasn’t afraid to be true to himself rather than just trying to fit a stereotype that small towns often require for you to be ‘accepted’.

I may not be ready or want a relationship, but if you are this man, please stand up, so I know not all hope is lost.


2 thoughts on “Please Stand Up

  1. This breed of men is around the world, sadly. We just need to start looking elsewhere and not in their direction. I think it’s time for you to move out of Brisbane. Like, for real this time. Don’t wait for anything – just MOVE. It’s scary but the best things in life are done when you’re the most scared. I’m a live example in front of you – if you need one. x

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