How I Know I’m Getting Old

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Yes, at the ripe old age of 24 … I have come to the realization that I am in fact … Old …

No I don’t shit my pants or have erection problems (I lie, I haven’t had sex in god knows how long so that in it self is an erection problem); but as I grow I am noticing things around me change.

My perception alone has changed a lot, but more than that my taste, my tolerance levels and my overall desires have incredibly and vastly changed since I was 18.

So here is my list of signs that you are inevitably getting older and uglier…

Me vs My Little Sister In Public

Me vs My Little Sister In Public

1) Clothing
I’ve been quite a sensible dresser for a few years, thanks to working in the corporate world, but I still find it funny when my little sister and I clash over opinion of clothing.  The other day we went shopping and while she wore a stunning outfit, had a beautiful face of makeup and was adorned in jewellery I wore a band shirt, some denim shorts and flats and hadn’t brushed my hair or applied makeup.

For her, going out shopping is a chance to make a statement about her style. But for me, it’s an unenjoyable chore. If I don’t have to put effort in, I won’t. I’d rather be comfortable, sans make up and in and out as quickly as possible.

I think looking at younger generations and not understanding their fashion is an age old sign of getting old – but man, does it ring trueDSC_3761-copy1! I honestly do not understand the need for girls to have shorts so small that their ass cheeks are hanging out and their vagina flaps are swaying in the wind… I was driving past a bunch of girls the other day and I couldn’t tell if they were going to a music festival or a strip club… I laughed when my baby sister said, “They look like skanky hoes…” (probably not appropriate language for a 7 year old but still hilarious)

In the words of Yves Saint Laurent, “fashions fade – style is eternal”; as you get older – this rings more true.

(2) I’m Gonna Pop Some Tags
My best friend sent me a message at how excited she was about her latest shop. I laughed because I cannot remember the last time I went on a shopping spree. She elaborated moments later by explaining how excited she was over how much she had saved and what am awesome sale Big W had on.

This is a sign you are getting old – you would rather SAVE money and only buy items on sale, instead of talking about how expensive and exclusive one item it is.

You get excited to go to KMart, Big W and Best and Less because really – who has the time or money to splurge at Myer? It’s like you have a lightbulb moment and you realise it’s all the same shit with different labels or brands on it – so why bother paying more for the same ?

On top of this, shopping for decor, gardening or home wares becomes much more exciting than anything else.

(3) Going to The Chapel.. and We’re Gonna Get… 
(i secretly hope you sung that song then in you’re head)
Obviously when everyone arMjAxMi1iNWEzMzAxNDYwYzI5Mzcxound you starts having babies and getting married you’re probably at that age that it’s expected.

However I think your mentality changes – instead of being jaded because how dare Lisa and Mike get married when Alfred and I have been dating for twice as long, you are actually just genuinely happy for your loved ones and friends.

The thought of being invited and participating in the most important day of someone’s life actually makes ycd972b419c81341112764cb52827ac2aou so incredibly happy inside and gives you little butterflies – not to mention all the free alcohol and hot random wedding sex.

Then comes the babies …

When one of my best friends had her baby, I felt this amazing sense of love for this little human that I barely knew – it was such a weird feeling and I still don’t understand it. But I think it’s because you love and admire this child’s parents so much that you cannot help but adore this bundle of human skin and poo…

(4) Bedtime is The Shit
I mean this. I actually get excited for bed from the moment I leave it.

It’s like a fluffy haven of warmth and love that will never let me down.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I stayed out clubbing or drinking past 12… I’d much rather have a good nights sleep and no hangover…. Thankkkk you very much!

(5) Wine and Cheese, Please
How amazing is wine and cheese ??
I remember being a kid and even the smell of wine made me want to vomit and Camembert was the equivalent of squashed maggot guts… Yeah … That’s how much I hated it.

Now I’m much older, the thought of opening a bottle of Cab Sauv on a Friday night or sitting down with some friends with a plate if Brie, Feta and Camembert is the ideal social setting.

(6) They Call Me The Ironchef
Ask me two years ago what I could cook, the answer would be 2 minute noodles. These days I’m literally the iron chef. I get so excited to make exciting new dishes and get my family’s reactions and thoughts on how to improve.  Seeing other people enjoy what I make, is so rewarding.

It’s like a whole new world of creation and exploration … And food is amazing – end of story.

(7) Sex? Meh
Casual Sex and the thought of it is just too tiring for me these days.

From someone who had a few … ermm… ‘friends with benefits’… scheduled in on different nights of the week, when I lived in Brisbane, the fact that casual sex just bores me these days would be pretty shocking td05afe45ed5dbdbfc8564d3802d845b9o a few people.

I love sex, I do. In fact I pride myself on how well I please my man, when I’m in a relationship.

But spending time and effort on someone I barely know – it actually irks me these days.

I used to like casual sex, but I realised I don’t like the aftermath. The awkward cuddles and kisses. I don’t want to kiss your mouth – I don’t even like you beyond your penis and what you do with it. I’d rather just get it done, have fun and leave. I don’t want to “snuggle” or talk and pretend there is anything more than a sexual connection between us.

Another light bulb moment you have as you get older is how amazing sex is with someone when there is a deep connection beyond just a physical attraction.  Casual sex can end up feeling so hollow and pointless – particularly if they don’t know what they’re doing or know what works for you.

I have decided It’s just too hard and complicated these days  to find the desire to have a one night stand… And really a vibrator does a better job than most males I have met.

(8) If You Can Learn To Do It, I Can Learn To Do It
I feel so inspired and excited to learn or try new things. I just built a veggie patch, started hockey again, I’m trying to learn a new language and I want to know how to use a circular saw…

Ask me to do any of these things as a teenager or as a young twenty something… I could not be bothered.

All of a sudden it’s like a new zest for life comes back. You realise how awesome Betterc5a914384dafcb9a5e20bebe3a912eb4 Homes and Gardens really is. Pinterest is your best friend. You begin to look for new hobbies or things to do, because “why not?” – maybe it’s also based on a fear that we’re getting older and should have more life skills to teach our children or show off to our friends…

Or perhaps it we have a realisation at some point, that these people who know how to sew, build, saw, canoe, cook, speak five different languages – all began somewhere.  They’re not ‘legends of myth’ but just real people who drink, eat, sleep and shit just the way we all do.

All I know is learning something new, building or creating something with your own bare hands or mind, is really liberating and invigorating.

(9) Club Can’t Even Handle Me Right Now
Like literally.. the club can’t handle me, because they fucking kick me out when I get ridiculously drunk by 11pm and cry to a bouncer about how I just got dumped and how no one will ever love me.

But seriously, I have reached a point where going out dancing, clubbing, crumping and twerking just does not do it for me.  On top of this, you have to play a dangerous game of ‘will I be a paedophile if I talk to/touch that cute boy over there’ because all of a sudden, everyone is younger than you!

I’ve also noticed everyone these days is just too cool for school.  They sit in a corner, get drunk, walk around in circles checking out the ‘scenery’ and wait until some hot guy/girl is drunk enough to have the courage to talk to them.

Meanwhile, I’m just doing my ‘T-Rex’ stalking behind guys…

(10) Date? No, I Prefer Sultanas.

One thing that is inevitable when you get older, is your tolerance levels change.. they rise for certain people and scenarios and extremely decrease in others.  Dating is one where I have found my tolerance levels have extremely decreased.

When I was much younger I was so excited at the prospect of being asked out on a date.  I spent days before hand figuring out what to wear, planning what i would say, training myself to not show him my cool ability of being able to ‘quack’ like a duck if the conversation got boring.. and try my best NOT to sleep with them on the first date.   There were hours and hours of effort I put in to these dates, even though 9/10 were absolute duds who couldn’t even afford to pay for my dinner.

85335c13771418909e2442bc5a513127These days, I cannot be bothered ‘hooking up’ or ‘dating’.  The whole idea or thought of letting someone in, putting in all that time and effort for little guaranteed satisfaction is just too wasteful for me to bother.

I like meeting new people, and I’ve been on a few dates since being single again.  But I find myself struggling to even care or to even make the effort.  I actually even asked one guy if I had to shower after my hockey game before having dinner with him…

My issue, that I’ve just uncovered thanks to a great conversation with my exes mother today, I’m too impatient to let a relationship take it’s natural course.

I am straight forward and don’t have time to waste wondering if someone likes me or not.  I don’t want to continuously go on ‘dates’ with someone for three months and wonder if we’re ready to be ‘facebook offical’ yet.  If you invite me over, I’m not going to hold my pee in and die of .. pee related diseases (it is possible, right?).  I’m not going to get up in the morning first, brush my teeth, apply makeup, brush my hair and lie back in bed like I just naturally wake up gorgeous.  If you’re going to be with someone in the long term, you’re going to see them in their rawest and unsexiest state. So I will be my honest and rawest self from the start so as to avoid any disappointment down the track.

The issue apparently with this is it leaves no mystery, if you give someone everything from the start – there is nothing more of you for them to discover.  There’s no want or desire for them to try and pry more out of you, when you lay it all flat on the table. It’s like buying a see through Kinder Surprise and not getting to even eat the chocolate… how effing boring!

The matter of the fact is, when you get older, part of you wants that eternal relationship.. but part of you also realises that when the time is right, it will happen.  Anything forced seems to end up in heartbreak and hurt, yet anything that happens on the whim, or spontaneous, is fun.  Meeting new people is great, but just because you date someone doesn’t mean you have to continue dating them.  You learn that it is ok to let people go and to just ‘be friends’ or to completely cut ties with people who have no purpose in your life.

It’s a bullshit fairytale we’re fed when we’re young that we are only ‘complete’ when we find our ‘true love’. If you’re waiting for that, I have bad news for you.  You’re the only person who can ‘complete’ yourself.  Figure out what is missing in your life, and go and freaking do it! Don’t say, “oh I want a tall dark man, who likes to swim with sharks and plays guitar”.  Most of the time what we want in other people is what we are lacking in ourselves.  So go out there and swim with sharks, learn how to play guitar and hell! even get a freaking sex change! (ok.. no seriously don’t do that, it’s too expensive… but hey onn the plus side you might win Eurovision?). 127978-8f18b89a-d955-11e3-917f-8bca2ad8cf46
(11) You Actually Understand How Important It Is to Love Yourself

It’s told to us a million times when we’re younger, but it only sinks in when we’re much older – LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU LOVE ANYONE ELSE.

When I was much younger, I didn’t understand why anyone wanted to date me, sleep with437124b298501b8a10f07ae0aedf423d me or even talk to me.  So I thought that this person was amazing for wanting to do so, and didn’t know if anyone else would want to sleep with me and found myself in quite a bit of trouble and bad situations as well as a head full of regret.  I didn’t think what I had or who I was, was very special or important or worth holding on to…. I treated myself like a bargain bin lipstick.  I proceeded to be treated accordingly not only in personal relationships, but also at work – I let people treat me like I had no value so it didn’t matter if they bruised me, broke me or destroyed me.

If you don’t learn to love yourself as an adult you will let everyone walk all over you.  You’re going to give away your goods like they are $1 specials at Coles – and no one, NO ONE wants cheap, shit.  WE want a quality person to have fun with, not someone who feels so desperate and vulnerable they throw themselves at anyone who pays them attention.

 

In Conclusion… 

Getting old is not a burden or a curse.  It is a blessing and one that a lot of people never get to experience.

So embrace yourself, your lessons learned and your hardships because they are all making you a stronger, wiser, better you.

 

Go get em tiger xo

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Embrace

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He rhetorically asked,
“I don’t know how you could fall in love with me within a few weeks?”
I laughed and at that moment knew he didn’t even love himself and therefore failed to understand how anyone else could.

“I never said I was madly or deeply in love with you – I said I love you, and I still do. I love you for who you are and everything you make me feel. You’re an incredible person and me saying I love you, is my way of saying I completely appreciate all of you.”

I was never asking for love in return.
I give love freely and sometimes a bit too easily…
Why?

Because what is this world without love and appreciation.

All too often we critisice and judge others; speak hateful words in front of them or behind their backs.

But we do it more to ourselves than anyone else.

I didn’t ever need you to love me back.
I have spent a long time learning to love myself.
I appreciate my qualities and what I have to offer.

I was happy in my knowledge that I was the reason you smiled and laughed in the moments we spent together.

All I ever needed you to do, was to love yourself.

That way, when someone gives you their love – you’ll know to accept it.
Rather than pushing it away and rejecting it, you’ll allow yourself to be happy.

You’ll realise you deserve to be happy.
You deserve to laugh and smile.
You deserve to be respected, admired and appreciated.

Life is far too short to hide behind fears of intimacy and rejection.

Embrace your capacity to be happy and someone’s else’s willingness to make you happy.

That is all I ever asked for.

Embrace love and you’ll truly embrace life.

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Because I’m Happy

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A couple of years ago, a psychiatrist asked me a simple question that changed my life forever.

As I sat in the cramped white office, looking at my feet – he asked,
“What makes you happy?”
I laughed, and for the first time in the hour I looked at him in the eyes.
“What do you mean?”
“… What makes you happy?” He repeated given no further indication of the answer he sought. I was always on top of psychiatrists, counsellors and doctors – I usually could manipulate the conversation to turn it around in my favour. This usually involved me rattling off the same old story about my childhood, my mother, my constant belief that I can do better and in the end convinced them all I was perfectly fine and needed no help in any way shape or form.

I looked blankly at my hands now, unsure of what to say or how to answer this question.

It should be pretty easy to answer right ? But not for me at that point in my life there was not a whole lot that actually made me happy – or not that I could think of off the top of my head.

“I want you to go home and figure out what makes you happy. You don’t need to tell me what it is – but you need to know what it is.  However, it shouldn’t involve any alcohol or drugs, spending any money or reliance on technology…”

a777bd2e3db44a084a9d3c5ffafcf2f7The all too common problem with our society and which leads to our high rates of depression, anxiety and suicide is our lack of knowing what makes OURSELVES happy. We are too busy living each day like the one before, running around like chickens with no heads, working hard to pay bills and then spend money on material possessions for temporary happiness or relying on substances for a good time.

To this day, people still question how I can have a good time clubbing without alcohol. Yes I do get very intoxicated sometimes, but for a while now, I have realised you don’t need any substance to influence your mood and the outcomes of an event.

If you genuinely appreciate the people around you, you shouldn’t consistently require a substance to have a good time with them.

I think everyone needs to sit down once in a while and honestly figure out what makes them happy – even every day if that is what it takes to turn your outlook on life and your mood around.

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I’ve just started the 100 Happy Days challenge on social media. The premise is that you upload a photo every day for 100 days of something that makes you happy. This might sound easy, but trust me it’s a lot harder than you think.

At first I was thinking of things I am grateful for but not necessarily things that make me happy. It is actually a hard but rewarding task to find something each
day that makes you happy. Moreso, a new thing each day that makes you happy.

At the end of the day, we all have our own struggles, we all have our own burdens and imperfections. The world is far from perfect and at times it becomes so incredibly hard to know how we are going to get to the next day or week. Sometimes it seems impossible to find any happiness in our lives due to the overwhelming amount of negative people, energy or events.

If you find yourself stuck in a negative rut, my advice is this:

(1) Stop Complaining
It’s always healthy to have a bitch and whinge from time to time but you really need to figure out if what you are saying is constructive or worthwhile. Bringing up your personal struggles and issues as a way of saying you are excused for your negative behaviour or attitude is really quite immature, and usually is only a cry for attention or acts as a guilt trip.

We all have struggles, we all have hurdles and we all have imperfections. If what you are saying is consistently negative and of no or little value, then don’t be surprised when you realise you have very few listening ears. People don’t want to be friends6e360bd9aade96ca036b0bb4ded00a20 with someone who never has anything positive to say and make out like they have the hardest life out there.  One negative person has the potential to bring down a whole army.

My mother always said to me when I was sad, “What is crying going to do? Is it going to get you anywhere?” This rings the same with complaining.  If what you’re saying is not going to change things, than maybe consider what you CAN do to change your mood or view on the matter – learn to embrace it or change it.

(2) Start Talking to Different/New People
Tying in to the above point is talking to different and new people. I have had my eyes opened wider than ever before in the last year from the amount of strong people I have met.

When you begin talking to a stranger or a new face, you never know what wisdom you may uncover. I met a lovely woman who had lost her husband a few years ago, after she had breast cancer, had lost her sister to breast cancer and was now a single mum living in a foreign country.

Then there was a lady who had survived an abusive relationship with a drug lord, who made her lose all contact with her family for several years. She escaped eventually and now has a beautiful husband and several lovely children together.

There have been plenty more people I have met who I have just taken the time to talk to on the plane, in a taxi and at work who are absolutely incredible.

Listening to other peoples stories and seeing their strength, is such an uplifting and life building experience. It certainly puts a lot of things in perspective and while you may be complaining about your hardship while saving for a holiday, you’ll realise how incredibly lucky and blessed you to be saving for a holiday rather than life saving surgery.

(3) Try To See The Good In Everything
Life can suck.

Life can also be pretty damn amazing if you let it.

I recently met one of the most inspirational women I have ever encountered who shared her incredible story with me.  After divorcing her husband of many years, getting out of a not so happy home, and protecting her sons, she met a new man and fell deeply in love.

She told me of how they would stay awake at night just talking and talking and would fall asleep together in the middle of a wild conversation.  She would wake up to him just smiling and saying how grateful he was to have met such an intoxicatingly beautiful soul.  I’ve never heard anyone, let alone a grown woman who has experienced the world, speak of love in such a manner.  Just before they were set to get married, he passed away very suddenly during an operation that was meant to be quite seamless and had a low risk rate.

Hearing of how broken her heart was and her struggle after this, made me cry.  I couldn’t believe two people could be so madly and deeply in love and then have it all taken away from them.  She said to me,
“People always ask if I’ll ever move on.  If I’ll ever fall in love again.  You know what, I don’t need to.  I had the most amazing partner, I met my soul mate and he gave me more in six years than people in fifty years of marriage get.  I’ve had love and I have loved deeper than most people ever will…. so it’s not a case of moving on.  There is nothing that needs replacing or needs to be fixed.  I’ve had my big love and I’m so happy I have.”

All I could do is just look at her with so much admiration.

Not many people are able to recover from losing someone they hold so dearly, particularly losing them before they are meant to go.  Her strength and capacity to see the beauty in this situation is something I may never be able to experience or fully understand – but I am so absolutely grateful for the lesson she gave me that day.

It’s so much easier to see the negative and bad in a situation or a person than to really try and seek out the beauty or truth.  I try my hardest to educate myself about the world and the more I read, study and learn the more and more grateful I am for everything that surrounds me and my life.

After recently getting dumped, a lot of my younger friends anticipated that I all of a sudden “hated” my ex. This was not the case at all. It took time and after an in depth conversation over the weekend, I have no negative feelings toward him at all.  In fact if anything, I just realised how lucky I am to have met such an incredible person and to continue to have them as a friend in my life.89b3fb4ccfde6193fb6d52f0ac4bcba9

Life is always going to throw you curveballs and you will inevitably suffer from heart break, disappointment and loss.   You know what, that’s great.  It’s in these moments you truly get to treasure yourself and figure out how you are going to pull through.

You cannot go around hating everyone who hurt you or who did something that you did not agree with. I think a massive part of growing up, is instead of ignoring or hating someone for their actions, you try to understand them and maybe help them out where possible.

4. Stop and Breathe
We are so consumed in the idea that if we just had a bit more money, had a few more friends, lived in a different city or a bigger house, were married, were single… whatever we weren’t or don’t have, would make us happy – that we forget to just be happy.

Take a momentaea6bbc3ce1e710aa2d7d466f9045e5a to just stop, breathe, count to ten and think of how lucky you are to have all you have.  We can’t have it all – and those that seem to, are still not satisfied, they are still seeking that holy grail of eternal happiness. Instead of thinking about what you want or want you need, think about what you HAVE and how those little moments and possessions make you happy day in and day out.

You deserve to be happy and grateful for every day you get to live on this planet. Do what you need to, to make sure this becomes a reality.  Even if that means starting out by finding one thing a day that you are grateful for.

 

So, go away now and ask yourself this,
“What makes me happy?”

When you have an answer – embrace it, live it and love it every day of your life.

It sucks

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Here’s the thing that sucks

I can’t view you as a bad person
Or doubt your choices

I completely understand
I completely agree
And I would do the same in the situation

But I miss you
I miss your kiss
I miss your cuddle
I miss Mr Rolly, Mr Tickly and everyone in between

Part of me wishes I could hate you
It would make this so much easier

But I don’t

I want you to be happy
I want you to smile and laugh
Even if it’s not with me or because of me
I want you to be satisfied

Part of my heart will always miss you
And will always want you back

But I know your choice has made you happier some way or another

Some day, I will be ok with that

But for now, I’ll continue to wish I was still your reason to smile ..

What’s The Time Mr Wolf?

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Time…

The force that controls our life more than we ever want it to, since the day we are born we are defined by time and what we do with that time.

We spend hours upon hours complaining at the time it takes to get lunch, finish that project at work, complete study and how far away the weekend is and yet how quickly it also disappears.

I look at life now, and I wish I had known years ago how precious time was when I was younger – instead of spending hours complaining or waiting for something to happen… I wish I had just spent it taking myself up on those challenges, working harder to forge stronger friendships and more time with the people who had little time left on this planet…

The time itself was always going to pass, that was inevitable… but what I did with it, that’s what changed the world and who I am now…

 

Timing itself is the real bitch in life.

You can meet the most incredible person, spend hour upon hour smiling in their presence, not release how much time has passed and then watch them in a couple of seconds push you away forever.

All those hours, minutes and seconds spent laughing, cuddling, kissing, making love, just enjoying being together are lost in time because for one reason or another… the timing wasn’t right in their life.

 

You can be and have everything… but if that person isn’t at a time in their life where they are ready for endless time together – then it means nothing.

So once your heart is broken, once you decide it’s time to be alone and re-build your confidence and self esteem, how are you expected to let someone in?

What if, the timing wasn’t right for them, and now the timing isn’t right for you to let a seemingly amazing person in?

Someone, who says they’re willing to wait – but doesn’t realise that the time they spend waiting for you to be ready, is time they could be spending loving the right person – while you’re still loving the wrong person. While you sit there hoping that as time goes by, they’ll only miss you rather than move on.  When in reality, you’re wasting time waiting for a love that will never be returned.

I wish I had more time with you – because I’m still struggling to believe you have no time left for me.

Now, I have no space in my heart, to want to give time to someone who so obviously deserves it.

All because I gave you more time than you were ever ready to spend on me.