It’s been a while since I felt this way.
Since I’ve felt angry, guilty and absolutely remorseful for my actions and words that in a drunken state, have caused an immense amount and pain to someone who I care about deeply.
Someone who has often given me advice when I felt as though I couldn’t understand.
Someone who has given me their shoulder to lean on and helped me up when I’ve been down, even if it compromised their loyalty to the person who caused my pain.
Someone who I would never purposely intend on hurting, yet somehow, have done that exact thing.
It has been a long time since I have had a good night that hasn’t ended up with me in tears. I could blame alcohol effecting my state of mind and actions, but the truth is – I can only blame myself for my words and actions and for choosing to drink the copious amounts of alcohol I do, hoping that somehow, it will magically make me feel better.
I wish I had the power to go back and change the events of the weekend, but I can’t. All I can do is live with the fact that I have forever tarnished my reputation, hurt someone who will never forgive me and hopefully learn from this.
Learning is all I can do as my words will never take back these actions.
Words cannot express how sorry I am, from the bottom of my heart, for what I have done.