As A Woman

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As a girl growing up in the nineties, I was thrown into believing that being a working professional was the new norm…

I remember watching Ally McBeal and admiring her work ethic and strength as a woman. While her love life weened and males seemed to come in and out of her life leaving her heartbroken, she stood in the courtroom like an infallible golden idol.

My parents continuous break ups and messed up marriage made me determined that I would never focus on relationships, as they were too risky and troublesome, but to focus on getting good grades through school, learning as much as I could about the world and securing a uni degree and a career that required no reliance on a man.

As a young girl, my nanna told me that a woman’s place is by her husbands side. Keeping your husband and your family happy and maintaining a healthy image was what was most important as a woman.

As a teenager, I fell madly and deeply in love and all of a sudden my desire to stay single to focus on a career was thrown out the window. I wanted love. Pure, deep love but I wanted to remain independent – I didn’t want to rely on a man for more than affection because I wanted to prove I was capable of looking after myself and of forging my name into the history books as a standout female in whatever field I chose to specialise in.

As a teenager, I was told that I would learn to love providing for a male. That as time went by the urge to live my own life would subside and my main priority would be to live my life for those around me.

As a young adult, I found myself craving nothing more than quitting work to become a mother and raise a healthy bunch of children who bore his dark hair and blue eyes. I was ready to build a nest. I craved a reason to keep putting up with the constant fights and arguments. I begged for the universe to deliver what I wanted so someone, a child, would love me unconditionally.

As a young adult I was continuously told how lucky I was to have a career, to have freedom and passion to follow as all these things disappear the minute you have a family.

As a woman, I am tired of feeling as though I have to choose between wanting a career and wanting a family.
As a woman, I want to love unconditionally with all of my heart both my family, my partner and my career and not feel guilty for equally dividing my attention, wants or desires.

What any woman decides to do with her life is entirely in her hands. I am sick of seeing criticism of females who decide to be stay at home mums for “erasing hundreds of years of woman’s rights activism”. I am also sick of seeing criticism of females who decide not to bear children for not fulfilling their “sole duty as a female”.

Instead of teaching generations of young girls what is “acceptable” as a woman at different ages, it is time to accept that as a woman at any age, you have freedom of choice.

What you choose to do, is entirely up to you.

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Chances

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how many chances are we to give our heart,
before it simply shuts off and denies any intrusion

I finally allowed myself to be given affection like i deserved
yet one tiny slip up and I feel cold again… I want to shut it out and ignore that I ever allowed it in..

As high as the highs are, there are days where I feel as though a plateau of emotion would be preferred….
It’s the safer option.. it leads to no confusion.. no lows when the highs are over… just a plateau of emotion, never changing and never misunderstood…

I’m sorry I got excited about feeling so happy again..

It was my mistake for thinking that I could genuinely attract someone and that that person would genuinely want to commit to me and me alone…
not just for the short term
or until they needed someone else .. someone better

but someone who wanted to be with me, without me saying so first…
without me making the first move or putting all the effort in..

someone who genuinely wanted me and just me… and all of me..

but like I said.. .
it was my mistake..

and now, I have to fall back down to earth and stop dreaming in the clouds

 

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It Is That Simple

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I can’t remember what I was watching, but there has been one line that has resonated with me in life when it comes to being a decent human being. It was simple, “Don’t be a dickhead”.

I think in life it is so easy for us to take sides. I myself sometimes catch myself blaming ALL males for one males mistake. You hear of people saying “only white people can be racist” or “only females can be victims of domestic abuse/rape”. This boils my blood, because no one is immune to the harsh actions, words or violations that another person causes – regardless of age, race, sexual orientation, religion or gender.

Hence why I like to reflect on that simple quote from that forgettable show,
“Don’t be a dickhead”

You can decide what makes a dickhead, but it’s usually pretty obvious who is a dickhead and what a dickhead would do to other people.

However, it seems that there are some people in the world that haven’t got this memo and are quite happy in their self centred ways and ruining other people’s happiness and joy.

When it comes to relationships, my biggest… BIGGEST pet peeve is people who aren’t clear on what they want and those who lie.

So why is it that there seems to be an ABUNDANCE of these people in the world right now? I thought I was alone in my latest plight of being heartbroken, but I’m now watching another dear friend go through the exact same pain.

When it comes to relationships and dating… it is SIMPLE…
DON’T DATE SOMEONE… DON’T SEND THEM FLOWERS… DON’T BUY THEM GIFTS… DON’T MEET THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY… DON’T INCLUDE THEM IN YOUR SPECIAL EVENTS… DON’T TELL THEM THAT THERE IS SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT THEM THAT YOU HAVE NEVER FELT BEFORE…

if in fact, you’re only intention is having your sexual desires and need for attention satisfied for a measly few weeks or months… make it clear from the start what you want and what your intentions are… don’t sit around and drag things on and think you’ll hurt them if you are straight up..

if they’re an adult – they can fucking handle the truth..
they can handle honesty and they can move on much easier if you tell them straight up that you are just after a root…

what is hard to handle, is feeling like you have EVERYTHING you have always wanted
having your friends and family tell you how amazing that person is, having their friends and family tell you ‘you’re the perfect match for each other’, having invited them to be part of friends birthdays, engagement parties, weddings etc… all for it to be shit on in a couple of weeks or months time when you finally decide that it is getting too serious for you to handle.. .

if you want to be single… BE FUCKING SINGLE…
don’t sit their and complain that ‘nice guys finish last’ because buddy… if you fucked someone over like I have described above, you are VERY FAR from being a fucking nice guy..

Be single – stay single until you are mature enough to handle a relationship and old enough to get over going out clubbing every weekend to find a root…
if you still want to do this, don’t even THINK of getting in a relationship..
be big enough to tell the truth from the start – and if that person doesn’t want just casual sex and doesn’t want to get involved with someone who isn’t sure what they want, don’t BEG them to stay… let them leave… let them go and be free and enjoy their life instead of sucking them down into your selfish spiral … just to fuck them over when you’ve got your little ego boost…

Because once that person is done being heart broken, they will wake and realise that you are not in fact the person they thought you were… that everyone else thinks you are… because nice people don’t treat other people like this all for their own selfish reasons..

dickheads, on the other hand do…

so… you don’t want to finish last anymore?
here’s a tip…

don’t be a dickhead…

it’s that simple…