how many chances are we to give our heart,
before it simply shuts off and denies any intrusion

I finally allowed myself to be given affection like i deserved
yet one tiny slip up and I feel cold again… I want to shut it out and ignore that I ever allowed it in..

As high as the highs are, there are days where I feel as though a plateau of emotion would be preferred….
It’s the safer option.. it leads to no confusion.. no lows when the highs are over… just a plateau of emotion, never changing and never misunderstood…

I’m sorry I got excited about feeling so happy again..

It was my mistake for thinking that I could genuinely attract someone and that that person would genuinely want to commit to me and me alone…
not just for the short term
or until they needed someone else .. someone better

but someone who wanted to be with me, without me saying so first…
without me making the first move or putting all the effort in..

someone who genuinely wanted me and just me… and all of me..

but like I said.. .
it was my mistake..

and now, I have to fall back down to earth and stop dreaming in the clouds




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