A few years ago, one of my best friends met a guy who she has always described as the best sex of her life. At the time, I was in a relationship with someone who I thought… THOUGHT i was going to spend the rest of my life with, solely because I assumed what we had was pretty good, until we got into the bedroom … Where the chemistry just seemed to disappear. I was in one of those situations where two of my best friends were in relationships, but mine had been longer than both so thought I was the wise one of the bunch ready to give advice here, there and everywhere.
This said best friend had the most amazing sex life, I mean these two would put rabbits to shame with their non-stop bedroom antics. At the time I assumed it was just a sexual relationship. I was on my high horse and kept thinking it would only be a matter of time before the chemistry wore off, before she found out he was using her for sex or before they both just ran out of things to do in the bedroom…
Oh how wrong I was.
I could not understand at that point in my life how someone could have such an amazing relationship with one person and not have it entirely revolve around sex – when it seemed that was the basis for their relationship.
My dad and his latest wife had an open relationship and though I never fully understood it, that coupled with the amount of males who used me solely for sex, made me think that being in a good relationship meant that the sex didn’t have to be spectacular – because spectacular sex just led to heartbreak… or empty feelings.
My friend is now happily engaged to this man, they have a daughter together and own a house together. Meanwhile, that relationship I was in has long ended in a lot of heartbreak and confusion.
It wasn’t until this year .. in fact, this relationship I am in, that I realised how important it is to be so sexually confident, open and even liberated with the person you are dating and that in itself is a sign of good things to come.
Sex has always been up on my favourite activities, but I always thought you could have great sex and an average connection/no commitment or average/bad sex and an amazing connection/relationship.
One of my other best friends just got married to her love of eight years, and it wasn’t until I got to know them better that I realised you can still be in love, have a mutual respect and understanding of each other and have an amazingly fulfilling sex life – even after such a long time together.
In fact, their marriage/relationship gets ‘frowned upon’ by another couple who have been together for just as long but maybe only have sex once every couple of months at best – they just think it’s all a show and that their connection isn’t genuine. They do not understand how one of my best friends ‘leads this lifestyle’ with her now husband.
I honestly used to think what they had was rare too and they were just ‘lucky’ in what they had or they were just very sexual people. However, upon several conversations with other married friends and workmates, I have realised that having a healthy sex life is one of the most important aspects in a relationship – that is what differs your relationship from a friendship.
If you’re in a deeply committed and fun relationship with someone, you should be able to express yourself in the bedroom, to feel sexy and wanted, to be able to explore your sexuality and desires without feeling as though you are being frowned, judged or looked down upon.
Whilst sex is not the be all and end all of relationships, it is vitally important in maintaining a successful and happy bond between two people.
So ladies and gents, do yourself a favour and spend a good hour or two exploring your sexuality and desires with your partner this weekend … after all, you deserve it… and I guarantee it will only do your relationship good …